ON SEXUALITY

On Sexuality

For me, owning and living my sexuality has been a form of healing work. It takes incredible courage for women to bring our sexuality with us everywhere we go –to work, shopping, alone behind closed doors (or not so alone…).

And it is not as though we have a choice, we are being constantly evaluated -the way we dress, move, laughs, who we smile at, or if we make eye contact.  If the purpose of this analysis was appreciation, well, that would be an entirely different world than the one we live in.

Here, among other problems, women are judged and threatened when they are “too sexual.”

They are seen as “easy” by men and caught up in “the game” by more “forward thinking” women. They are stolen from and they are envied. 

The state makes laws about their body, and religions make statements about their worthiness. They are controlled and they are condemned.

They are used and exploited. 

Rarely are they, and their sacred and beautiful sexuality, celebrated.

When women leave their sexuality behind, or when they try to fit it to the acceptable standards, they lose a substantial part of their power. This loss of power makes them easier targets.

No longer having themselves, they search for what they are missing. They begin to feel insecure and needy. They look for validation. Validation in a partner, from their religion, or just from strangers.

When women try to own their sexuality they are bombarded with unhealthy feedback. They get distorted and unhealthy approval. They are assumed to be available for inappropriate behavior. They are thought to be less intelligent, less spiritual, less competent.

They are seen as a threat.

Helena Kate PhD on sexuality

Mothers, sisters, friends can rarely assist them because they are living in the same straight-jacket of oppression.

I believe it is up to each of us to reclaim what we can of this essential part of ourselves and find our own unique way of bringing it into being.

I wish this task were easy. I pray that someday it is easy.

This is not about augmenting hyper-sexualized, fake or prostituted versions of sexuality. It is learning to honor and intrinsic part of our nature, in all of its healthy forms of expression, when we have lost the understanding of what that even really means.

So, when I put on a sexy dress and a hot pair of heels, I am may or may not be looking for attention and that makes my actions no more or less impure. But, I am without a doubt, reclaiming my right and the right of women everywhere to own their own sexuality –to have their full self.

When I allow my body to be alive, open, and feel pleasure, I am not looking for someone to fill an empty space or let me know I am beautiful. I am reclaiming the right to my full expression.

 

 

Likewise, when I choose, to keep it to myself, have no interest in sexual games, or am just focused elsewhere, this is a statement that my sexual expression is a gift that I can give or not -as I choose. It is a clarification, of what seems to be forgotten, that I am not a prop but a woman -and I owe you nothing. 

And, when I live my sexuality – openly, honestly, and with respect for myself – I am claiming my right to live without shame, to love in the way that is best for me, and to respect the gifts that I have been given.

When you see this expression in me, or in another woman, I ask that you pause your judgments, that you silence your desire to try and own my pleasure, and that you learn to celebrate us.

And, when we struggle with the burden of having something so sacred be mistreated, perverted, and oppressed, to the point that there is virtual no unsullied choice to make, I ask that you find compassion and see what you might do to help.

Because we are part of what is missing in this world. We are the much needed healing. We are carriers of the joy and the pleasure your heart so desires.