On Being a Lover
When I think back on myself as a child, I am struck by the gentleness, openheartedness and connectedness that I possessed. I remember so many moments of feeling profound and exquisite love. As I watch the years turn in my mind, I start to notice that the spontaneity of movement, the exuberant singing, the joyful embraces of loved ones declined and the solitary musings in the woods increased.
These deep and soulful moments of silent and private connection became the foundation of my development. It was when I was alone that I was most able to access myself, feel spiritual nourished, and lovingly held.
But during this time a split developed between the richness of my hearts experience, the depth of my spiritual connection and the people around me.
The ongoing infiltration of my bubble of love and innocence by destructive and predatory forces continually pushed me to withdraw, separate, and build a wall against what I was unable to otherwise protect myself from.
As time progressed and I became more and more overwhelmed by what seemed to be just parts of “normal life” for others, I had less and less access to the intrinsic lover in my nature.
This became a deep sadness that I could not put my finger on.
One version or another of this story is the story of most people’s lives. The people and events change. The responses to those people and events change but there has been a disruption in the flow of our natural essence and the way that it makes contact with the world.
We forget how to be a lover.
This year, along with some solid and relatively long standing intentions that I have been working with, I added a new one. I decided to hold the intention of being an amazing lover.
Not just of people but of life itself.
I knew that returning to this place of being the lover was asking for a healing of the early childhood places of disconnection and it meant coming into my life in a whole new way.
I also believe that returning “the lover” to the day in day out events of life is a much needed transformation of our disconnected world. I am devoted to the task.
As intentions can sometimes work, I was very soon to find myself face down with one eye wide open staring into what is holding me back and the other closed tightly hoping that the pain will pass quickly.
It was from here that I returned again to the lover inside and learned how my experiences and their resulting habits did not hold me back from being a lover but rather marvelously adorned her.
I hope in writing this that you might see this in yourself.
As you may know there is no safety, it is pointless to protect ourselves and yet we do and always will in one way or another. This is the path of the lover. The hide and seek, the reveal and conceal that is a beautiful dance of finding new levels of intimacy.
We do not need to leave our limitation behind but take them with us to the door and hold them lovingly as we pass through. In love, we find new ways to connect and then return again to the disconnect of our fragile limitations.
And then, connect once again.
There is no need to fix ourselves only the willingness to dance this dance.
Along with the compassionate carrying of our limitations, our connection to and honoring of our divine essence is the essential ground out of which our lovership emerges. It is in this access to our divine nature that we unfold the unique blueprint of our lover self.
The exquisite and perfect lover that can be like no other. The stunning essence that is devotedly received by those, who for them, its touch and its glance is a gift like the purest water.
There is no reason to fight for this essential part of us to be seen, received or accepted because this part of ourself is already in a deep embrace with its other.
For the lover part of ourselves, the embrace is eternal. But the illusion of disconnect draws us into a deeper experience of the embrace. It points the way.
The appearance of our lover for a moment or a lifetime reaches deep into a place of truth that is undeniable. It calls us, even in those moments of pain, to stretch beyond what we thought was possible into beauty that is unimaginable.
The path of the lover only goes in one direction. You cannot get lost.
Whatever you did or did not do to protect this precious part of yourself and however this may be showing up for you now, will, for the person intent of finding the lovers embrace, be signs directing them to the deepest purest part of you rather than leading away.
So, have no fear in your delicate and desiring heart, the one that craves the freedom and receptivity to allow your inner lover to return. You are ready. Your lover is waiting.